Wednesday, May 30, 2012

When you made a mess of everything

The hard Eucharisteo,
that time when I blew it.
Completely acted like an atheist
and forgot all the words of Jesus,
forgot all about turning the other cheek
and acted, reacted.

Action. Reaction.

Totally wrong reaction:
Instead of love, me and myself, poor me
I was offended and now I have the right
to FEEL like this
and act like a complete mess.
I just made a complete mess
and spread it across my whole house...

And then, I know, I had to pick up the mess,
pick up the pieces
and go on.
But just how do I do that?

I asked for forgiveness,
(her forgiveness too)
confessed to God and asked His forgiveness
I KNOW that He is faithful to forgive
that He will no longer hold it against me.
Then I can also no longer hold onto this mess.
My mess.
Try not to hold onto that feeling.
I have no right to FEEL
and own this FEELING.
Feelings are most of the time not reality.
Reality is that there IS
forgiveness and forgetfulness.
Yes, to forgive myself, I must also forget.
I must forget the mess I just made,
do the cleaning up,
accept the apologies and
just love.

I must love more.

"(Love) It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it (it pays no attention to a suffered wrong)." 1 Corinthians 13: 5

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