Sunday, April 16, 2017

'n Brief aan my dogter(s)...

*Hierdie skrywe is op 22 Spetember 2014 vir die eerste keer gepost - ek voel vandag 16 April 2017 nog netso!

Jy spot altyd en sê jy het overprotective parents. Dit is nou die reine waarheid so uit die mond van 'n jongeling. En hier, nou, gaan ek probeer om die stroom gedagtes in my kop te omwoord sodat ek kan sin maak uit dit alles.

Toe jy maar sewe jaartjies oud was, aan die einde van jou graad een jaar het die onderwyseres laat weet dat ons met s*ksonderrig by die huis moet begin, aangesien hierdie onderwerp by die skool bespreek gaan word. Ek was totaal geskok en het noodgedwonge voortgegaan om my jonge dogtertjie te vertel van die "blommetjies en die bytjies."

'n Jaar later begin ons met tuisonderrig.

Die sheltering begin.


Is dit verkeerd om ons kinders te beskerm? Te oorbeskerm?

Ilze het verlede jaar tien jaar oud geword. Sy was nog nie 'n dag van haar lewe in 'n skool nie. Totaal ge-"shelter"! Sy het hierdie jaar eers begin vrae vra oor "hoe werk dit" want sy sien wat in die natuur gebeur. En in 'n beskermde omgewing kon haar ek met haar hierdie kosbare oomblikke en inligting deel.


Ek en Pappa het albei beskermd grootgeword. Baie vingers het al teruggewys op ons lewens om te bewys hoe sleg dit eintlik was. Ek en hy het albei direk na skool ons ouerhuise verlaat en die pad heeltemal byster geraak.

Hier is hoekom ek dink ék kop verloor het na skool toe ek onder my Mamma se beskermde vlerk uit is:
  1. Ek het nie die Here geken nie.
  2. Ek wou Hom ook nie eer met my lewe nie.
  3. Dit was 'n groot taboe om oor enige iets soos s*ks of verhoudings te praat in my ouerhuis. 
  4. Daar was nooit enige oop gesprekke in my ouerhuis rondom dwelms of alkohol gebruik nie.
  5. Albei ons ouers het óf self gerook, self te veel gedrink, slegte taal gebruik en/óf openlik hul ongeloof in die Here belei.
Kon ons eie ouers werklik van ons verwag om ons lewens suiwer te hou en die smal pad te loop as hulle ons nie daarvoor voorberei het nie?

Nou is ek en my man die ouers en die voorbeeld.

Wat nou?

Hoe lyk ons lewens en voorbeeld wat ons stel?

Leef ons in dieselfde wêreld as 20 jaar gelede?

Twintig jaar gelede was dit veilig om 'n ses jarige alleen in die strate te laat fietsry en rondloop tot donker. Dit was veilig om te ryloop. Dwelms was nie so vrylik beskikbaar soos vandag nie en Jesus was nog in ons skole. En as ons terugkyk, was dit werklik so veilig as wat ons gedink het? Seker nie.

Vandag is dit 'n perd van 'n ander kleur en ons kinders is reg in die middel van hierdie verwronge geslag sonder waardes en sonder God. Alles is toelaatbaar. Tolleransie is die wagwoord.


Dan kan ek myself ook die vraag vra: Hoekom het God my toevertrou met VYF dogters, as Hy my nie ook toegerus het om hierdie kosbare siele vir Hom groot te maak nie? Hoekom is ék misbruik en my onskuld gesteel en het ek ure omgesit in spreekkamers en terapie, dra ek die letsels as dit nie vir 'n uur soos hierdie is nie?

Ek sal aanhou om julle te beskerm en te oorbeskerm solank as daar asem in hierdie mamma se lyf is.

Ek sal aanhou om elke dag vir julle te bid.

Ek sal aanhou verhoudings bou en aanhou bou en aanhou bou en elke keer as ek afbreek en nie bou nie sal ek verskoning vra en verder bou. En bid. En vertrou.

En dit belowe ek.

En dan, wanneer daardie prins op sy wit perd sy hart vir jou kom bring met 'n ewige belofte van trou, slegs dan sal ek jou laat gaan. Tot dan, is ek verantwoordelik vir jou en sal ek jou beskerm en toevou in my liefde, al voel dit nie elke dag soos liefde nie...

Mamma

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

I am naming and proclaiming it: There is no power in my tongue.

Jonathan* died a horrible death. Our church had a twenty four hour prayer chain going on for weeks before his death. We deliberately spoke life over him. Prophets prophesied. Communion got a whole different meaning. Special oils were brought in to anoint him and everything around him. He died anyway.

I told my friend that she is going to lose her husband and children if she doesn't do something about her drinking problem. She accused me of speaking death over her family. Our friendship is ruined to say the least.

A self proclaimed prophetess prayed over a pregnant friend for a problem free natural birth. She ended up having an emergency c-section.

Do we really have any power in our tongues?

While Lorna* is being cared for by her daughter, excited to meet her King any day now, there are still people walking into her room praying for her for healing, speaking life when she knows that she already had her two years of grace.

She knows what death looks like when you lift the blankets.

The verse that is quoted out of context for this name it and proclaim it faith movement...

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue; and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof." Proverbs 18:21 KJV

"The tongue has the power of both life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." NIV

There is no other reference for this belief in the Bible. But what the Bible does say is...

"For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned." Matt 12:37

See also James 3:3-12 "The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one's life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell." verse 6

Jesus said "What goes into someone's mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them." Matt 15:11

"...and those who love it will eat its fruit..."

What was Satan's promise to Eve in the garden of Eden? Wasn't it that we will be like God? Gen 3:5

Only God can speak life. It is God that created the heavens and the earth with the power of His words.

"And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light." Gen 1:3

If there were any power of life or death in my words, my children would never get sick or hurt. Jonathan would still be alive today. Lorna would be healed by now. Hospitals would be empty. There would be no death. No hurting. No poverty.

We hurt souls when we pray and prophecy that which we will and want. We bring false hope.

I am not saying that God doesn't heal anymore, or that He cannot heal Lorna in a blink of an eye because He can, only He can. I am living proof that God heals. He healed my soul. He healed me from asthma, cancer, fear and selfishness. He gives us life in abundance. John 10:10

Life in abundance.



Jesus prayed "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name, Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."

Your will be done...

We can have life in abundance even on a death bed, even when we have to sit up at night with a sick child, in sadness and in pain. The life we have in Christ Jesus, can be filled with joy unspeakable, in abundance, everlasting...

I will only pray for God's perfect will to be done...

...and have perfect peace in knowing that He is in control.

Mignon

*Names where respectfully changed.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Aan my beste vriendin.

Ek het jou in 'n drankwinkel ontmoet. Kan mens dit oorvertel? Dit was 'n Saterdagmiddag en Joe stuur my om te gaan Becks koop. Nou sien 'n drankwinkel is nie die plek waar ek in wil raakgeloop word nie. Glad nie. Dit laat my wonder of ek skynheilig is want dis nie 'n sonde om te drink nie maar wel om getrek te raak ja. In elk geval, ek vermy maar die drankwinkel. Maar dis hier waar ek jou ontmoet het. 

Sommer daardie selfde middag kom braai julle by ons en ek leer vir Annemarie ken. Annemarie met die groot hart. Jy het my kom leer wat dit is om 'n regte vriendin te wees met jou boodskappies en whatsappies en altyd uitbundig lag. 



En nou is jy weg. Ek mis jou Annemarietjie. Frans kwyn weg sonder jou.

Ek weet nie hoekom Jesus jou so gou en onverwags moes kom haal het nie. 

Ek sal nooit 'n vriendin kan wees vir enige iemand soos jy vir my was nie. Mag dit my altyd bybly en mag ek altyd streef na jou voorbeeld. 

Lief leef lag was jy. Jy het groot geleef, groot gelief en altyd groot gelag. 

Mis jou ontsettend baie.

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Me and the moon.


Emma: "Mamma kan ek 'n foto neem van jou en die maan?" ("Mommy can I take a picture of you and the moon?")

Friday, May 13, 2016

A letter from Magdalene, to her mother. (this could have been my letter...)

My humblest attempt to translate:
Van Magdalena die gereinigde
C.J. Langenhoven


"...It has been three years, four years, five years, Mother - how long is it now? - that I didn't write home. There is nothing to write about except sin and shame. And the thought of home was like judgement. But have I not longed, not longed, not longed through lonely nights, to lay my head on your chest and cry out all of my bitterness. I couldn't trash my feelings as I could my step all over my virtue.

I know all too well what will happen - I know my father and my mother. I know my name never cross your lips; I am worse than the dead. But dear mother of mine, I know also, however you silence this name, Magdalene will always live in your hearts. Who knows, if I was not shunned for my first fall like a leper - I would have carried my cross as I deserved it, I wouldn't have gone from fallen to forsaken. But when there were no love or shelter left for me, I had to make of evil my wages. No, dear mother, I do not mean to reproof. What else could you have done? Your home and your name were clean, from generation to generations before, and I defiled it. And what could others have done? They still had sons and daughter unpolluted.

But after nightlong years, came the awakening, and I write at the first light of dawn. I have the right to write again, because there is no more smut to tell, but beauty. Listen, mother. We heard of the new prophet, Jesus of Nazarene. And a bunch of us, of the circle that glory in our recklessness, men with no conscience, and woman that no longer cared to care, we went out for the fun to follow the crowds to hear Jesus preach. He is always so interesting, we heard; as good as a circus.

When we got to the meeting, we kept to one side and laughed and joked and made comments in our usual extravagance about the rags of the poor and the backyard fashions and the sourpuss faces of the oh so holy Pharisees - because there was not a sort to think of for they all flocked after Jesus.

And when he began to speak, from his first word, we were quiet."

to be continued...

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